How to Deal with the Bully Inside Your Head

Have you ever called yourself “stupid” because you made a mistake?

When you look in the mirror, do you curse your reflection for not being attractive enough?

Do you make silent, sarcastic remarks to yourself after you speak?

When you engage in self-criticismit's like having your own personal bully living inside your head.

Whenever you try something new, the bully is there to taunt you. When you think about taking a risk, the bully lets you know you'll probably fail. And when it comes to relationshipsthe bully is the first to point out your flaws and weaknesses, all the reasons no one could ever love you.

The bully loves to control you. It's the bully's “thing.”

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Your bully is happiest when you're anxious about screwing up, or else feeling like you already screwed up. That's what gives bullies their power.

If you want to ditch the bully, you'll need to take your power back. But before you can do that, make sure you want to get rid of the bully inside your head.

“What?” you may ask. “How can you even ask me that? Of COURSE I want to ditch this bully!”

Are you sure?

The bully in your head is there for a reason. The bully is there to keep you on your toes. What if you didn't have a bully pointing out how badly you're doing in everything? How much worse might you be?

Taking your power back by rejecting the lie (i.e., there's something wrong with you) is much easier said than done. But what does it feel like to consider the possibility that you're fine exactly as you are?

The real bully is your belief that there's something inherently wrong with you. How ready do you feel to let go of that?

As long as you suspect there's something wrong with you, you'll need a bully to keep you on the right track.

Taking your power back by rejecting the lie (i.e., there's something wrong with you) is much easier said than done. But what does it feel like to consider the possibility that you're fine exactly as you are?

Take a few moments to mull it over.

What does it mean if there is really, truly nothing at all wrong with you? It could mean many things, not all of them pleasant. for instance:

• You've been treated worse than you deserve to be treated.
• You've turned down opportunities that might have made your life better.
• Your expectations of yourself may have seemed too high, but have been too low.
• Your expectations of others have been low or nonexistent.
• You wasted years not following your dreams for fear you didn't deserve them.

Taking back your power from the bully in your head is not without cost. The cost of taking back your power is regret—for all the years you let the bully control you.

Go ahead and feel the regret. You earned it and it won't kill you.

Then take back your power by saying no to the bully who insists there's something wrong with you.

There's no special trick to it. do it.

Act as if there's nothing wrong with you. You're a good person. You won't do bad things because no one's there to criticize you anymore.

You trusted the bully to take care of you all these years, but it cost you some self-esteem. Trust yourself now. Ditch the bully.

When the bully calls you stupid or unattractive, say, “I disagree.” Then mentally walk away from that criticism.

That's how you take charge. One thought, one moment, at a time.

Good luck taking on your bully. Let me know how it goes.