How to Cope with Grief and Bereavement During COVID-19

6 min read

Over the past few weeks many listeners and readers have reached out to share stories of loss. People have written to tell me that an aging parent, an older sister‑in‑law, a cousin, or a close friend has died—some from coronavirus, others from dementia, and some from sudden events like a heart attack.

I created this blog post and a two‑part podcast series on grief to acknowledge and validate those who are grieving. This series is meant to honor you and your loved ones and to remind you that you are not alone with grief and bereavement during COVID‑19.

Below I answer common questions about grief, respond to queries I’ve received from journalists, and share practical resources for grief and bereavement support.

What is grief?

Grief is a powerful emotional, psychological, and physical response to significant loss. Losses can be varied: the death of a loved one, a life‑altering diagnosis, the loss of a home, the end of a relationship, losing a job, or major life transitions such as becoming a parent or an empty‑nester.

Grief is normal and necessary. It’s the human process that helps us adjust to change and integrate our experiences. We can’t opt out of grieving—the mind and body will respond when something important is lost. While painful, grief is part of healthy adjustment.

What is bereavement?

Bereavement refers specifically to the period of mourning following a loss, especially after the death of a loved one. It describes the time of processing and adjusting to that absence.

What are the stages of grief?

Grief varies widely between individuals, but common emotional patterns often appear. Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross introduced the now‑familiar stages of grief, frequently remembered by the acronym DABDA: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. These stages offer a helpful vocabulary for describing emotions we may experience after a loss.

How do these stages play out in reality?

These stages are not linear or orderly. Grief is messy and unpredictable: one moment you might feel steady, and the next a song, a scent, or a photograph can flood you with tears. People move through these emotions in different sequences, revisit stages, or experience several at once.

The value of the stages is that they normalize what feels chaotic. They help us recognize that anger, denial, bargaining, deep sadness, and eventual acceptance are expected responses. Naming these emotions helps us express and integrate them, which supports healing.

What about additional stages, like David Kessler’s sixth stage?

David Kessler proposed a sixth stage—Finding Meaning—which many find helpful. He emphasizes that finding meaning is not a shortcut around pain. We must fully experience the grief and pain to heal; meaning can cushion the process but cannot replace the necessary work of mourning. This sixth stage is an addition to the original stages and does not replace them.

What is disenfranchised grief?

Disenfranchised grief occurs when people are denied the opportunity to mourn or their grief is not recognized by others. During the COVID‑19 pandemic many traditional mourning rituals—funerals, wakes, community gatherings—have been limited or moved online. When communities cannot publicly acknowledge a loss, the bereaved may feel unseen and unsupported.

Without rituals and public acknowledgement, grieving people risk being deprived of important emotional supports. Disenfranchised grief raises the chance of prolonged suffering and can lead to increased risk for depression, anxiety, or unhealthy coping behaviors. That is why it’s important to find ways to honor losses even when rituals must be adapted.

What is postponed grief?

When grief is avoided or postponed—through overdrinking, overeating, isolation, or other avoidance strategies—it often resurfaces later, sometimes more intense than before. Postponing grief delays the healing process and can leave a person without support if others have already moved on. It’s healthier to allow grief to be felt and processed rather than shelved indefinitely.

What can I do if I’m grieving?

There is no prescribed timeline or neat progression through grief. While some older models suggested recovery within months, grief can leave traces throughout life. The important work is to consciously experience and express the pain, rather than trying to force or rush the process.

Here are practical strategies to help you move through grief during COVID‑19:

Acknowledge your grief. Putting words to your experience brings what is unconscious into awareness. Naming the pain is a first step toward healing.
Share your grief with others. Grief is heavy to carry alone. Reach out to trusted friends or family and let them witness your loss. Rituals, even adapted ones, create community and belonging that stabilize us.
Do not downplay the pain. Allow yourself to feel and speak about the suffering. Trying to dismiss or minimize it only prolongs the process.
Practice self‑compassion. Treat yourself gently. Offer yourself the same care you would a friend: kind words, patience, and time to heal.
Maintain physical health. Grief affects sleep, appetite, and energy. Keep routines where you can: eat nutritiously, move your body, and seek rest.
Avoid isolation. Physical distancing does not require emotional isolation. Strengthen existing bonds and create new ones through phone calls, video chats, and safe, distant contact when possible.
Join a grief or bereavement group. Group settings—virtual or in‑person when safe—provide shared understanding and the chance to be witnessed and supported.

I have a friend who’s grieving. How can I support them and reduce the risk of disenfranchised grief?

Reach out and acknowledge the loss. Saying their loved one’s name and recognizing the importance of the loss matters.
Share memories. Tell a story or two about the person and how they impacted you—this affirms the bereaved person’s relationship and honors the deceased.
Record a short video or write a note with specific memories and send it. Simple acts of remembrance are powerful, especially when traditional gatherings aren’t possible.

Recommendations and Resources

Recent media features:

Fatherly article: That COVID Feeling? It’s Called Anticipatory Grief
Insider article: What Are the Stages of Grief? How to Process and Deal with Grief and Loss

Recommended reading:

On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss by Elisabeth Kübler‑Ross and David Kessler
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief by David Kessler
The Art of Dying Well by Katy Butler

Recommended listening:

Grief During COVID Part 1: Anticipatory Grief and Ambiguous Loss (podcast)
Grief During COVID Part 2: Forced to Grieve Without a Funeral (podcast)
Brené Brown’s interview with David Kessler: On Grief and Finding Meaning

Join a grief group: Many grief groups continue to meet virtually during the pandemic. Look for local or national grief support groups to find a community that fits your needs.

Please seek professional help when you need it. New losses can reactivate old wounds. If you notice worsening depression, anxiety, substance use, or thoughts of suicide, please contact a mental health professional. Many clinicians offer tele‑mental health sessions. If you are in immediate crisis, contact local emergency services or your country’s crisis hotline.

If you would like further resources or support options, consider reaching out to a licensed therapist, a local hospice bereavement program, or a trusted community organization that offers grief support.